I have no desires to truly speak of, as nothing I do is rewarding or satisfying. This is exactly how anhedonia feels. Over the phone, he broke up with me. I know you want to help your boyfriend and get back together with him, but as long as hes depressed, hes set on leaving. Those are real friends/romantic partners. What is way more important than your relationship is your partners health. Thats because theyve committed to each other and know that life isnt always a cakewalk. I know I cant fix him so Im slowly starting to accept he may not deal with it or come back. As a result I continued to stay isolated from most people and could be a weight on his shoulder. Loads of people with mental health conditions are able to enjoy long lasting, fulfilling, happy relationships. You have no idea when (if ever) the pain will stop. This will be great to learn more about yourself as an individual, and not only with the likes and dislikes that were related to the relationship.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'psychreel_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_6',113,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0'); Sometimes finding new places to go, such as art exhibitions, doing a small trip, can give you a clear headspace to think about what has happened and deal with it. And as long as you are open to it, learn and grow with the challenges. I realised this was recent I experienced the same just a couple of weeks after you and knew exactly how you felt. My emotions at present are like an R rated version of a Magic Eight Ball in the hands of an over-caffeinated child. Boyfriend mention to me he didnt want to go to see his granddaughter because he didnt have the energy. Depression My boyfriend broke up with me because his depression and anxiety has gotten worse. For example, he was friends with a childhood bully of mine who really tortured me and he just couldnt seem to understand why that hurt me. I Miss My Ex-girlfriend So Much It Hurts! Be respectful, genuine, and careful. Share your thoughts below. He kept disappointing me by canceling plans last minute and when I finally communicated my disappointment, which we agreed to do, he said I triggered him and caused his anxiety to raise everytime I messaged him. I have been in no contact since 2 weeks now. Depression Depressed boyfriend broke up with me Follow Posted 4 years ago, 4 . The same is true for your ex. My boyfriend of two months became very overwhelmed with events happening in his life that were out of his control. Does he miss me? Second, what the relationship has been for you, what it meant for you is not necessarily what it meant for him. Tell him how his depression can be detrimental to his mental health, his career, his life and his relationships. like he used to. And to think that this man was so in love with me just a month ago..i just feel like i don't know what to do or where we stand. Hes happy when everythings fine and unhappy or miserable when he cant get what he wants from you. Even if you cannot stay with your partner, please help them get proper treatment and medication. I think it might give you some good insight into what's going on with your boyfriend. I understand why the break up happened because he has too many things to deal with. In these situations, a talk therapist can be great. While hes doing that, its best that you stay away from him and give him the space he needs. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'psychreel_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_1',103,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-medrectangle-3-0'); As with any other breakup, you can feel like you did something wrong, maybe that you didnt care for them enough. They would have expressed how they felt and looked for solutions to work together despite their mental health illness. Use of this website is conditional upon your acceptance of our User Agreement. Thank you all. Why Are My Exs Friends Contacting Me And Being So Nice To Me? We really loved each other from the bottom of our heart, and it would only become and grow more and more as days passed. Its difficult to read that he has associated me with negative feelings like stressors but it also helps me to understand how we got here. Hi, I have been in a (very) long distance relationship for about a year and a half. This should be your priority other wise your partner is going to make you anxious and force you to overinvest in him and the relationship. Does he appear sad and depressed after the breakup? Follow Posted 4 years ago, 5 users are following. She is from the USA, and i am from France. And he believes him. When he broke up with me, he told me he couldn't be in a relationship right now and that he needed to be alone to figure his head out. Everything in our relashionship went well, as usual, until when she started her 2nd year of college in September 2020. I would try to make plans and he would always say "maybe" and then eventually would agree, although sounding like he had no interest. Hi there. She doesnt know why she wake up mean and irritated towards me, and that she is afraid she will keep feeling this way and hurt me. And if you want to discuss your breakup with us in private and want a faster, more detailed response, check out our coaching options. Hes just relieved and elated and is going through the stages of a breakup for the dumper. Weeks go by and the pain hasnt gotten any better. Mental health professionals specialized in the field of romantic relations are the ones who will help both of you cope with the situation and derive a solution. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Step 1: Find the real reason for the breakup Think long and hard about what really went wrong in the relationship. About a month into the breakup now, it was very confusing at first and it wasnt apparent what my boyfriend wanted. A woman paralysed by her jealous ex when he caught her in bed with a new man is now set to compete at the Paralympics. Weve only been broken up two days and weve gone NC. Because they ran out of energy, they just take the blame and make it seem like their partners have nothing to do with their loss of feelings even though they know thats not the case. But if he dates other people and fails, he could get hurt again and need someone to help him get through rejection. I am in no contact, its been 2 weeks. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. We haven't talked since thenand its killing me. I know that he suffered with depression when he was a teenager, and with the stress of his new job he started to withdraw from activities and pastimes he once loved. I dont give him any bother and I dont react. Thing's just recently started going downhill, causing him to quit his job and to be admitted to the hospital. I gave him everything and got very little in return. Do I just still treat him like a dumper?! You need to look at signs of depression in order to know whether hes depressed or not. A person is diagnosed with depression if they have constantly presented its symptoms for more than two weeks.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[580,400],'psychreel_com-banner-1','ezslot_5',108,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-banner-1-0'); Not everyone experiences depression the same way when talking about the frequency and intensity of the symptoms. Depression is a mental illness that can cause a person to experience intense sadness, along with that, they might lose hope in life and the future, along with a decreased sense of self-worth and low self-esteem. Depression is a mood disorder in which normal functioning of an individual slows down and may become null if left untreated. Child Health; Heart Health . Hell message you if he changes his mind. Hed rather distance himself from you (and probably others as well) and spend as much time alone as possible. How is it going for you now? I feel abandoned let down but to hear him sobbing and telling me I deserved so much better than him, that he couldnt give me what I wanted even though all I ever asked for was his time broke my heart. If your ex left you because of depression, you need to understand that hes not your ideal partner. So if your boyfriend broke up with you because of depression, dont immediately assume that his only issue is his mental health. He also said that the breakup was something he had not thought about earlier, but since a few days only. Another aspect is concerning how the relationship was. If he doesnt get well and improve his perception of you, youll move on and find happiness without him. https://www.healthcentral.com/amp/article/depressed-boyfriend-broke-feels-needs-alone-how-show-together, My boyfriend is depressed and broke up with me (+ Understanding what happens), Excessive crying or inability to cry even when they want to. Hes the dumper no matter what hes dealing with. I desperately wish he had gotten help or spoken to me before he decided our relationship was too much work but I also am so angry because it feels like he didnt fight for us in any kind of way. She is doing a psychology degree at her college, and thats how she realized she might be bipolar and learned more about her symptoms and disorders. Depression is exactly what I suspect my husband has. I really feel like talking to someone who is in the same shoes to feel better although I dont know if that would make both feel better. Depressed boyfriend broke up with me, what is the best way to navigate this? Ok, first and foremost, I'm very happy that in a relationship as hard as this one, you found the resilience to fight for it. Depression makes a person feel numb. In the beginning we struggled as he had deeper feelings for me. I miss him with everything I have and just a week ago I was so happy and now it all feels so bad, Im going through the exact same thing. It really doesn't change. Thats because he may not let go of the negative thoughts and emotions he associated with you. He has been depressed for a long time (pretty much our entire relationship which was 2.5yrs) and told me that after I had been gone travel nursing (1 solid month apart) he just spiraled so deep that he didnt even know if he loved me anymore (he said he just didnt feel anything about anything). Coming here and reading this article and all these comments, somehow makes me feel better. To me, it feels like everything accelerated so fast and I dont understand where his feelings went. Although it wont help you get him back, it will give you some clarity and perhaps even closure. And that it was never my fault at all or anything Im doing. Its not uncommon to get blindsided by a depressed boyfriend. If your boyfriend broke up with you because hes depressed or unhappy, you can be certain he didnt make a quick decision. As an understanding partner, you should keep your calm and try to get into the root of the problem through communication. He did speak with a counsellor and the counsellor suggested he get out of any relationships he is sabotaging. He even apologized for the relationship being one sided that he was sorry for neglecting me for 2 or 3 weeks and would do better. and would complain about everything in his life. But after he went to the hospital that day, he stopped telling me loved me, stopped being affectionate and loving all together. Continue with Recommended Cookies, Home Relationships My boyfriend is depressed and broke up with me (+ Understanding what happens), As a BetterHelp affiliate, we may receive compensation from BetterHelp if you purchase products or services through the links provided. He told me we could still be friends but I dont want that, I told him we couldnt be. They dont explain that their exes drained their energy and made them feel smothered or guilty for not being able to reciprocate their feelings and meet their expectations. How long did it take? .Set boundaries. I supposed telling the truth would make them feel even more depressed as theyd hurt their partners and bring a strong undesirable reaction out of them. If hes acting differently now (lets say hes going out, partying, meeting new people), he most likely isnt depressed. My girlfriend is actually going through major depression, she also think she might even be bipolar, since her mom is also bipolar. I also dated a guy for six months, had a crazy connection, then he broke it off because he was depressed and lost. Genes are not the only factor responsible though. What is important, when being in a relationship with someone that is struggling with mental illness is to be aware if they are looking for treatment, or are sticking to the one they are in. After I got these thoughts out of my chest I knew I had to move on.I know I am doing all the right thing now I have exercised regularly; I have decided to get out of my bubble to get a job again to be involved with people/society; I have decided to refresh my wardrobe and look to feel good again about myself. But it is important to keep in mind that, while dealing with depression, especially if he is not under treatment, be it therapy or medication, he might be experiencing intense depressive symptoms, and that is what is controlling their actions and behaviors right now. Boyfriend agreed I should walk away. I recommend the Depression Fallout forum and the book Depression Fallout by Ann Sheffield. Aside from that, it is important to know if his depression was caused by a specific situation, or if it is something they are still struggling with because if that is the case, they might not go back until it is resolved. Evidence says depression is not directly linked with breakup but certain ill behaviours and actions undertaken by the patient may lead to divorce or breakup between romantic partners. He told me the other day he started to feel bad again recently and he needs to take a break and that he didnt want to do this because he knew how much it would hurt me and it made him so upset. Why did my depressed boyfriend break up with me? Part of me still hopes he will come back when he sorts himself out but part of feels I should cut my losses and move on. Sometimes guys break up with their girlfriends because of depression. What is way more important than your relationship is your partners health. But even though you might keep hoping that they will come back, try to focus your energy in your healing process, and on yourself. They prefer to be on their own because that way, they feel the safest. Salsa234 . stressful life experiences may affect your mental health in various ways sometimes trigger prolonged and severe emotional distress. I have been writing a journal on everything that happened from the day, how I felt and what my thoughts were in details. Your blog & articles truly helps me find my way during these tough times. Because of the pain thats been hurting you for weeks, youre starting to project your unhappiness onto your boyfriend. If your partner is reluctant to communicate, please do not force him. He told them "if it's not me, it's nobody else!" and sexually assaulted her with a pellet gun, records show . I responded to you on the other article you commented. He said he was sorry for things not working out and that he didnt have the energy to try. But some factors may make it easier for a person to feel depressed. He does suffer from depression and anxiety issues and is on medication. Things between us were still the same as before, we were still loving each other and being happy, but i could tell that it was also slowly changing and getting different, and that she was changing too. He told me he was getting better when I asked him if his new meds were workingwhy doesn't he think we can work as a team and get through this, if I have made it clear that I'm more than willing? One of the most critical factors a person experiences in depression is lack of self-worth and excessive worry. Its really hard to break up in our situation, so far away from each other. That was why he broke up with you in the first place. This will make you feel connected and loved, as it will also give you a space to talk about your feelings and be supported. As a matter of fact, its only gotten worse because now youre getting frustrated as well. Be Careful About Breaking Up When You're Depressed | by Karen Nimmo | On The Couch | Medium 500 Apologies, but something went wrong on our end. your partners mental health. I know he really cares about me. But when you are in one with depression, an important thing to do is understand and learn more about the condition. Don't take it personally when he pushes you away or avoids your calls/texts 3. Try to have a routine that will take care of both your emotional and mental health needs. She decided to break up because she doesnt want to keep being with me while she cant love me to the fullest, and hoping she wont keep feeling this way and wont hurt me while going through everything else that is going on in her stressful daily life. i have Bipolar NLP, Its a bit different but much of the same. At first, we were just casually talking, learning about each others, spending time together everyday, for quite a while and so we basically were friend, best friends. My Ex Is Drinking/Partying After A Breakup. Lack of energy and anhedonia is another critical symptom that cannot be overlooked. He broke up with me yesterday but wants to stay friends I saw him on Thursday and although he was already down, it went well. he says how he wants to be best friends and then later date but Im so scared we wont get to do either of those. And guilt wont help him feel closer to you. It doesnt feel like it was time. Mine has less depression,(bizzare creative spurts of painting and playing the piano) but mood swings peaking into euphoria most of the time. Research states, this area of the brain is overactive in people with anhedonia. I wrote him an extreme long message saying all this about how much I love him and also about how I reallt badly dont want this to be a breakup especially since we both love eachother SO much. Anyway, here is the story: Im just so confused as the best way to be with him if it is depression. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_12',117,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-mobile-leaderboard-1-0'); And although sometimes they might not feel like their best self, a little support can go a long way, but again, keep in mind that not feeling good is something everyone experiences from time to time. He told me he didnt treat me the way I should be treated and I dont deserve that because Im an amazing person. Which didnt get better. This whole time I thought we were endgame so I am devastated and was so blind sighted. I suggest that you talk to him only when its about the kids or something important. For now, give him the space he needs and focus on yourself. It crushed me because I love him still and wanted to make things work. The most important thing you need to understand about breakups caused by depression is that they dont happen overnight. And he cant adult right now. There are a lot of stories here about the break up because of the depression (thank you so much to everyone for sharing) but does anyone have a bit more perspective on how these situations actually evolve? Exes who become depressed after the breakup tend to crave a relationship with the dumpee whereas those who leave because of depression want a lot of alone time. Thats why depressed dumpers dont go into detail too much. You didnt agree to this. Always remember that people who care about you will stay in your life and come to your aid. Studies suggest that people start to feel better around three months post-breakup. It wasnt my first relashionship but it was my first long-distance relashionship, i was unsure back then how to handle one or if it was even possible to keep. Because they have problems, they often look for negatives in others and by doing so, ruin their own relationships. I was going to move there definitely with her, after we both finish our studies. He said its been very difficult with his anxiety and depression and feels like he needs to talk to a therapist. This is pretty typical behavior for depressed men who aren't getting adequately treated and by that I mean, aren't in therapy as well as taking medication.